Hope your week is off to a good start, friends!
When Monday’s over
A worthwhile read from The Atlantic deconstructs our current production of what author Derek Thomson calls “hygiene theater” — I’ll give you a little tl;dr here:
“[H]ygiene theater builds a false sense of security, which can ironically lead to more infections. Many bars, indoor restaurants, and gyms, where patrons are huffing and puffing one another’s stale air, shouldn’t be open at all. They should be shut down and bailed out by the government until the pandemic is under control. No amount of soap and bleach changes this calculation.
Instead, many of these establishments are boasting about their cleaning practices while inviting strangers into unventilated indoor spaces to share one another’s microbial exhalations. This logic is warped. It completely misrepresents the nature of an airborne threat. It’s as if an oceanside town stalked by a frenzy of ravenous sharks urged people to return to the beach by saying, We care about your health and safety, so we’ve reinforced the boardwalk with concrete. Lovely. Now people can sturdily walk into the ocean and be separated from their limbs.”
If you have the time and the stomach for it, I’d really recommend reading this heartbreaking story in The Washington Post about three siblings who lost both their parents to COVID-19. It’s sad for anyone but particularly devastating for this family, which fled religious persecution as Christians in Iraq and leaves the teenaged and young adult children to take care of each other. I just found it such a potent, important reminder of why we’re doing what we’re doing in social distancing/mask wearing — if my small action can help prevent this from happening to someone else, it’s worth it.
And, as always, a reminder that my employer is matching donations to a number of justice-oriented organizations (all of which are listed and described in this nifty spreadsheet). Make your money go twice as far by noting your organization of choice in a Venmo payment (@marSHAffer).
Now, what you came for…
DAY 137: Meet the Patels (available for free on Peacock)
If someone were to cross the cross-cultural outlandish humor of My Big Fat Greek Wedding with the sociological insight of Aziz Ansari’s book Modern Romance, it would probably look a lot like the documentary Meet the Patels. This real-life tale of alternatively bristling with and embracing Indian marriage traditions, shot like the wackiest home movie ever, proves every bit as enlightening as it is entertaining.
I’m not sure what prompted Geeta Patel to pick up the camera and start recording her brother Ravi’s quest for lifelong companionship, but I am certainly glad the two collaborated to make this endearing chronicle of romance. The film begins with Ravi reeling from a breakup with a red-haired white girl, a two-year relationship he managed to keep entirely secret from his conservative Indian parents. Pushing 30 with no prospects of marriage in the traditional Western fashion, Ravi decides to embrace the means that brought his parents together … and Geeta is along for the ride with an extremely DIY camera/mic setup (bolstered by some charming storyboarded animations to help give the film a little pop).
For anyone who thinks the idea of an “arranged marriage” sounds like something barbaric out of a corny princess movie, I dare you to watch Meet the Patels with an open mind. Then, try telling me the system doesn’t sound more effective than the no strings attached, no labels, swipe right or Netflix and chill methods favored by many these days as a means of starting a relationship. Gone are the days of meeting your betrothed 15 minutes before exchanging vows; instead, in the United States, an intensive network of like-minded Indian singles attempts to find compatibility for life.
The process turns out to be quite frustrating and nerve-wracking for Ravi, although it is fun and thought-provoking to watch from the other side of the camera. (Geeta certain has a lot of fun, that’s for sure!) The candor and honesty with which Meet the Patels portrays relationships, both romantic and familial, makes it truly moving and compelling to watch unfold. It is not dependent on reality for its effectiveness, but it certainly helps that we have actual stakes for which to cheer.
And best of all, it might even encourage you to live and communicate more transparently with your own loved ones. That’s certainly how I felt, at least.
P.S. — Most of this recommendation came from my 2015 review, but guess what? I rewatched Meet the Patels today, and it still holds up five years later as a film full of insight and sincerity.
Be good to yourselves and to each other,
Marshall